Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. –Psalm 61:1-4
For about seven years now I have gone into and out of depression (my heart grew faint). I try not to write to much about this for a few reasons. Among these reasons are not wanting to give satisfaction to those who have caused this pain that is taking so long to heal. But enough. I am not afraid of them getting satisfaction from my pain (because in reality if this is where they find satisfaction, it is they who lose, not I).
The past week has been especially hard as I have seen relatives turn their backs on my family. This is especially painful when so much had been done for them when they were in their hour(s) of darkness. Lies, and deceit seems to prevail in this world of ours. The wicked prosper. As you are reading this, perhaps you too are thinking of the ways you have seen the wicked go unpunished and in fact prosper. You may see an ex move on and be happy when in the past they had done only evil and were unfaithful. Maybe you have friends who have turned their backs on you…or worse family members. Maybe as a child you were abused in every way possible. Maybe…maybe a lot of storms have passed and continue to pass over you. Maybe telling you that you are not alone will not make it better at all….
Maybe a loved one has passed away and you have regrets…things unsaid or things not done. You are told that time heals all wounds…but time has nothing to do with it. A million years can pass and still the wound is fresh (perhaps at times numbed, but still fresh).
Let me tell you something. Time will not heal anything. Time has no power to heal…the wound only gets numb. Yet there is One who heals–one who hears, one who keeps a record of your tears.
Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll–are they not in your record?— Psalm 56:8
He, your Maker keeps a record of your tears and mine. He keeps record of the wrongs done against you and me…and there will come a day of reckoning.
If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.–Psalm 55:12-14
That is the hardest pain of all, when the one you loved comes against you to tare you down, to destroy you. Sometimes it is done with silence, sometimes it is done with fists, sometimes it is done with words, sometimes with cheating, but in the end destruction of your spirit is the goal.
Yet, the Lover of your soul is not blind to this. I say it again, a day of reckoning will come…maybe on earth, maybe not, but for sure on the day of judgement. In the meantime, how to you rise out of the dark? How do you continue in the hardest of days? There is only one way that has worked for me, and honestly it is the only way (though we rebel against this way, because it deals with what we do not see and our flesh wants something that can be seen, touched, heard, smelled)…but just because something or SOMEONE is not seen, does not mean He does not exist. A good example of this would be are things that are microscopic, bacteria, viruses, etc…you can’t see them…but we would be fools to ignore them.
But I call to God and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice. He ransoms me unharmed from the battle waged against me, even though many oppose me. God who is enthroned forever, will hear them and afflict them.–Psalm 55:16-19
He hears and he will save you and me. But we have to ask for help, He will not force Himself upon us. We have to choose to love Him, He will not force us to do so…but once we make that choice, He is our fiercest defender, the greatest lover of our hearts and soul.
Please understand (as I am beginning to), we have an enemy. The enemy is not your ex husband or wife, it is not your best friend that has hurt you or relatives that have torn you down when all you asked for is compassion and help in your darkest time. No your enemy are not any of them. The enemy that hates you beyond any hate you and I have ever known is Lucifer, now known as the devil, or satan. He will do anything, use anyone to tare you down. He will never stop while you and I breathe, but there is hope. There is one who is much stronger than him…and He will always come to save us. His name is Jesus Christ. He is the King of all kings. He is your Father. He simply is (I AM). But if we don’t seek his comfort and help, we loose out.
So, when the world is dark and the heart grows faint, when you fall deeper, come to Him you who are burdened and tired and He will give you rest. These are not just words…test it out. I know I will. I have determined to do my best to draw closer to the ONLY one who loves me with an unblemished love. I will seek Him in the night as I try to find rest…I will seek Him in the morning as I awaken (and I am not a morning person, so the me who seeks Him in the morning might be a bit grouchy…but He understands).
I hope you will determine to do the same…and very soon I hope to hear of the healing of your heart and soul (as I will also post more about this journey of my life).